These Phrases given by A Dad Which Saved Me during my time as a First-Time Parent

"I think I was merely just surviving for a year."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the truth quickly became "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every change… every walk. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You aren't in a good place. You require support. In what way can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more comfortable addressing the strain on mums and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles dads encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a broader inability to talk between men, who often hold onto damaging perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a show of weakness to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the chance to ask for a break - taking a short trip abroad, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has changed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and interpret his decisions as a father.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, long-standing trauma caused his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "terrible decisions" when younger to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he explains. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a family member, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that allowed you to feel like you before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Look after the physical stuff - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their journeys, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of you is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead give the security and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their struggles, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to manage themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, on occasion I believe my purpose is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."